Exclusive! Triptii Dimri: After Qala, I had to do comedy, and I found it very difficult

I watched Qala on the day of its release, and it sort of had an unusual impact on me, so much so that I had dreams about the film. When I met Triptii Dimri a week after the release, that was the first thing I told her, and she reacted with surprise, "That's a good sign for us." Two days after watching Qala, I revisited her first film as a leading lady, Laila Majnu, which is a poem in itself. However, I was dreading to watch Bulbbul because it was horrifying, and I mentioned it to her. But when the Bulbbul girl herself said, "You'll love it," it gave me confidence, and I watched the movie the same day, but after midnight. Well, I survived and was happy that, better late than never, I finally watched the film.

After watching three Triptii films in a week and meeting her during that time, I realised that she, like her characters, is heartfelt and all about emotions. Her reactions to my questions, be it about being called Anvita Dutt's "muse" or not having any happy endings in films so far, have stuck with me.

Edited excerpts follow.

It's been more than a week since Qala was released. Now that you look back, how would you describe your journey with this film?

It's been so amazing. I thank my stars every day when I got to be a part of such a lovely film and work with such amazing people. It's something that you know, and I know that doesn't come up in an actor's life very often. Opportunities like these, they don't knock your doors very often. It's like once in a while, you get one film in which you feel, okay, this is a story that I need to, maybe be a part of, and this is something that will be exciting for me, as an actor. There'll be so much for me to learn as a human being and as an actor. I will be asking myself so many questions as a person. And that is everything that this film gave me. So it was very special.

Now, when I look back to the times when we were shooting, we didn't realise that we were trying to say so many things with just this one film. We were just acting; we were just having fun with whatever Anvita was giving us. But after watching the whole film, all of us were like, "Wow, you've said so many things in one film." It is so interesting and fascinating to see. Anvita, I feel, is a brilliant director, and I would love to be in all her films. She's just a lovely human being full of love. She never yells; even if you're doing something wrong, she's there. In fact, if you do something wrong, she'll be more careful and more attentive towards you, making sure that you feel comfortable and that you feel free to express yourself, which is such a wonderful gift a director can give to an actor.

How does it feel to be called Anvita Dutt's muse?

It feels so good. So good. She said it herself in a lot of interviews, and you just feel special. Everybody's been talking about our collaboration, and you feel so good. We've spent so much time just talking about the characters and the stories. When you are in that phase, there are doubts in everybody's mind. We were like, "This is what we're trying to say, but maybe it won't resonate well," so there are those kinds of things that play out in your mind. But when it does well, then it's like a success for both of us, and we are so happy. I definitely want to work with her again, because you learn so much when you're with her, not just as an actor. As an actor, she's just worked so hard on me that I can see a difference; I can feel more confident with my craft today than I did before Bulbbul or before Qala. But as a human being do, like she's just always so wise, she's much more experienced, she's seen more life than me. She once told me, "I see myself in you, and I am not going to let you make the same mistakes that I did. Because you're like my daughter, and if you do something wrong, I'm going to pull you, slap you, and shake you up and be like, just do the right thing." It's so important, I feel, to have someone like that in your life, and she has been there for me like that. So, it does feel special to be called a "muse."

In your last three films, Qala, Bulbbul, and Laila Majnu, your character has always been upfront and spoken her mind, be it in any era. How much of Triptii Dimri do we see in those characters, and how much have you taken home?

I think that in every film that you do or every character that you play, you either take a lot from them or you give a lot of yourself to them, and that is bound to happen. It is a mixture of both. I feel that as human beings, we have everything. I can be strong, I can be weak, I can be vulnerable, and I can be upset and angry. Everything is yours; it's just that we don't access those parts of us on a daily basis. So when I did Laila Majnu, I am nothing like her, but I had to find her within me, just as when I did Bulbbul, I had to find that 25-year-old's strength in me or the 20-year-old Bulbbul's vulnerability in me. When that happens, you want to look back and decide, "This is something that I can keep for myself." So when I did Bulbbul, I don't think I was as confident as Triptii. So I was just going with the flow—very new, not very confident about my craft or about life in general. It's just that by playing the 25-year-old, strong Bulbbul, I had to pull out that strength in me; I did find it; nobody else did it for me; I had to bring that alive. When I did that, I loved being in that space so much. I was like, if it's there in me, why am I not using it? Why am I not feeling as confident in my skin as Bulbbul does in hers? So there are bits that you take from them, and that is something that I definitely took from her, something that I will keep for life, maybe because these are not the things that you want to let go of.

I don't think I was very opinionated. I would not talk; I would be the quietest kid in class and in the family. But I think it's the roles that have helped me become more vocal. I have learned to put my points across and not be scared of being judged or expressing my opinions. I think that's something that you've learned, obviously, and I'm so glad that I got to play these characters who were voicing their opinion, because it's just such a beautiful thing. It's given me a way to overcome that fear of mine. There are certain things you keep to yourself—the pain you definitely want to let go of, the things you don't want to keep with you.

Qala similarly, like her ability to love someone unconditionally, her mom, never got anything from that love, like she never got it back from her mom. But even then, she gave it to her with all her heart, and I think that is so special. I would also want to retain the ability to love someone unconditionally, no matter what. It's easier said than done, but at least they have brought in some awareness. I think that is beautiful. Just being aware of these things is okay; this is something that the characters can do to help you evolve as a human being.

Qala talks about an artist's insecurity; have you ever encountered it or felt it?

Insecurity is, again, a part of life, whether you're an actor or not. I'm sure people, even homemakers, are at times insecure. People working in different professions are insecure. I feel you should just treat it as a part of life; you can't run away from it; the more you run away from it, the more it's going to chase you. When you're feeling insecure or when something tells you that this is the area you need to work on, I've always looked at jealousy like that. Not always, but there was a point where you were jealous and wished you were doing something that someone else was doing. And you ask, "Why is this? Why am I not getting it?" But you also need to look at what that person is doing; if that person has it, it's possible that I'm not doing it or that I'm not putting in as much effort as that person. It's just to do with this finding, positivity and everything because that is something that can keep you alive and keep you happy because there are 10,000 things that you can grieve about. Many things, even if you have everything, can give you something to crib about. I've been in that phase where I was cribbing about things, and I think when you crave, that's what you attract. When you talk about problems, you attract problems. When you talk about solutions, you attract growth. I have kind of found a way to shift my focus from being caught up in that because it's a negative cycle, and once you're there, there's no way out of it or to finally be aware. This is me, I have my problems like all my characters that I've played, they're all flawed. Nobody's perfect; just be comfortable with your flaws and just own up to them.

All three of your films don't have a happy ending. Did you ever have that thought come across your mind, at least after Bulbbul, to have a film where the ending is not tragic?

That was my mom's reaction when she watched these movies. She's like, "Isme bhi mar gayi tu?" And I said, "What do I do?" But yeah, I do want to do light films as well, and luckily, I have done one, which is going to come out soon. It was so refreshing for me to be on that set because I was always laughing. I think it was needed for me to just be on a set and just laugh and do light. I don't want to just keep doing one sort of thing. But just experiment a lot more with my craft and see what the things are that I'm comfortable with and not comfortable with. I had to do comedy for the project, and I found it to be so difficult. It's more difficult than drama; it's all about your timing. It was very challenging. On Qala's set, when I would walk out, I would feel like I had cracked it; I'd given my 100%. But here, when I would walk out, it would be like doing the first film all over again. It was that kind of feeling, but you do give your best. But I think I still need to work on that aspect as an actor.

Is it easier for you to switch off from a character?

It stays with you, and, as I said, I don't feel the need to detach from them completely because they become like a part of you. You end up spending so much time with them. You have such fond memories, and I have such fond memories of shooting Laila Majnu, so I don't think I can ever let go of that completely or be like, "I don't want to look back or I don't want to think of her." There's so much that I've taken from her as a person, so it's difficult. But it's important to let go of the pain. It's important to leave certain things, but it's interesting to just have them around. It's like having your best friends there, and it always feels special. In fact, I do feel happy that I got to do such powerful and amazing roles so early on in my career; it's something that you don't usually get right. But I don't ever feel the need to let go of them. It's too dear to me to let go of them, I am in a way possessive about those characters.

Unlike other female actors from your generation, you do not conform to the notion of doing masala films and working yourself up later. Why go against the tide, and how has it worked for you so far?

I think it's something that happened organically because that was never the thought to only do titular roles, because when you're a new actor, you don't have many options; you only get offered a few roles, and you have to pick the best one for you. Luckily, these were my options, and I didn't have to think much, but that was not intentional. I'm so glad that it happened, that I got to be a part of projects. The thought was just to make sure to pick stories that relate to me and characters that relate to me. I do believe in my gut feeling a lot, like if I read something and if I feel like within 30 seconds of reading the script, if I feel like if I'm still in doubt, then I just say no. I'm like, "This is not for me." If I'm doubting it, then that means I'm not going with my whole heart.

It's so important for actors because you have to play the character and feel them and be honest with them. If you're not there fully, it is just a waste of your time, and not just your time but also that of the 300-400 people who are going to be working on the project, and it's not fair to you or to them. I feel it's important to just say no to things that you don't really like without thinking that this person or that person might be offended or that this will give me that many followers. I don't look at films like that. I feel like it's so important to have a good experience when working on something. The highs and lows of releases come and go, but for a week or two after that, it's the experience that stays with you. So when I think of Laila Majnu, it's not the release date that comes to mind; it's the experience that I had shooting it or the same for Bulbbul. I think for that, you need to choose your people and your scripts really well.