Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan review: Audience ki jaan hi loge, Salman Bhai!

1/5

Story:

Younger brothers in love need to play matchmaker to their older brother who just will not get married. They spot the perfect candidate in Bhagyalaxmi but there is a problem. She’s a peacenik and the older brother is: Bhai. How does everyone’s protector Bhai become Bhagyalaxmi’s Jaan is the story of the film.

Review:

It’s a tried and tested thing to make a  ‘remake’. Unleashing a tired film that will test all your sensibilities is evil and stupid.

Based on the Tamil film Veeram (starring Ajith), this should have been a slam dunk for Bhai who in IRL dodges the question of marriage. Alas!

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved ‘Sameer hawa ka jhonka’ and Bajrangi who goes the distance to drop off a kid across the border. I loved his fumbling with a gun in Andaz Apna Apna and always look for creative ways for his shirt to come off (as all fans do). But to subject us to two and a half hours of ‘voilence’ (their enunciation not mine) to our senses and our sensibilities is just not Eidi.

Logic took bhai and his brothers in Delhi and died. Bhai throws jacket in air and jumps after it wearing it mid air and then makes a perfect landing!

The director does not give us the chance to whoop and whistle at this ‘entry’. The mohallawallahs are doing it for you. You pray just as hard as Rohini Hattangadi: Hey bhagwan, if you can’t change this movie for the better, change my coffee to alcohol…

There is no God, because we hear one liners like ‘Bhagya bhaag gayi!’

Moh, Ishq and Love are three brothers to Bhaijaan. And they don’t know what his name is because they’ve called him that for ever… you want to hug Salman when he says, ’Bachpan mein toh mujhe ‘Ei, ‘saala’ aur bahut kuch naam lekar bulate thay’ but then you want to slap the person who forgot that Hyderabad mein Dakkhani bolte hain… You don’t have to speak Telugu because the heroine and her family are from Hyderabad,,, How I wished Venkatesh garu would turn into Naidu Senior and do a kiri-kiri with the writer of this film.

I don’t know about you, but releasing songs that have zero creativity, with grown up  townsfolk dancing to nursery rhymes is an asinine idea. even if it’s being vomited over end credits… Yo Yo Honey Singh owes kindergarten teachers an apology for sure.

Veeram worked with Ajith in Tamil simply because the star manages to lend the story some gravitas. A cabbage has more personality than the three brothers, their girlfriends plus the story collectively.

Verdict:

Gasp! Ram Charan Teja’s ‘Bhai ki shaadi mein Ram deewana dialogue. Double take during ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’ reunion. but the rest is forgettable. Yes, Bhai ki story is forgettable even though they de-age him in several scenes, and he takes off his shirt. The film (and bhai) hits you hard with his head… You come away head hurting, disoriented

About the author:

Manisha Lakhe writes on films and TV shows, is a poet, teacher, traveller and mom (and not necessarily in that order). Could sell her soul for Pinot and a good cheesecake.